Feelin’ The Love: Watching the journey of parents

My work with my transgender clients often includes not only the transgender individual, but the family as well. As important as it is to be an advocate for my clients, it’s also essential I understand the process that is being undertaken by the loved ones of the individual. (See “It’s Hard for Moms”.) Many parents of my adult clients are very resistant to the idea of their “child” being transgender or transitioning, and are initially quite wary of me for supporting this venture. Typically with my adult clients I only hear of the resistance expressed by the parents without witnessing it directly. In session, I am privy to the intense longing of the individual for support and acceptance by their parents, no matter how old they may be.  This is yet another reminder that unconditional love from parents is crucial at every stage in one’s life.

When I work with parents of transgender youth, it’s a little different story. These parents are willingly seeking gender therapy for their children, searching for answers and a roadmap for this unforeseen journey. Fear and resistance are often still a part of the work, but there’s so much more than that.

I have seen parents evolve in the journey with their transgender/gender nonconforming child from tearful and terrified to peaceful and resolute. I’ve seen parents give their child space to express themselves in a way that allows the child to be honored and embraced, even if the parents are scared by the possible ramifications. Some parents accept very quickly while others fight to hang onto what feels safer and more familiar. Some become advocates, others are willing to share their stories, still others remain very private; all of them intensely love their child. To see a parent accept something they never wanted or saw coming is a source of true inspiration for me, and a very touching part of the work I do. I respect and admire these parents more than they know.

The passion I sense from these parents for their child can be expressed in all sorts of ways: fear, anger, pride, doubt, guilt, sadness, grief, bravery; the list goes on and on. I’ve always loved children, but it wasn’t until I became a parent that I could truly understand the passionate love a parent has for their child. The kind of love that makes you willing to do anything for another’s happiness, willing to sacrifice, fight, and conquer all for the sake of your little person even in the face of your own anxiety or trepidation.

Sometimes I feel hot tears spring to my eyes* in the middle of one of these sessions with parents, especially with those early in the journey. What brings on these tears? Is it sadness? No. It’s not quite something I can explain. It feels like a mixture of compassion, inspiration, and awe at the intense love I’m witnessing, along with honor that I get to be a part of such a life-changing journey.  I’m definitely feeling the love, and in the end, I know the child will too.

*Not a robot.

Gender Lesson: For Schools

I created this “gender lesson” for teachers to present in schools based on the needs of gender nonconforming children I see in my private practice and those I read about online. Please share with any and all classrooms/teachers! Below is the lesson, and following that will be a PDF with the lesson and a list of “expectations” that can be posted in the classroom.

This lesson was created in particular for those teachers who have gender nonconforming children in their classrooms. However, it is my belief that this curriculum is needed in ALL classrooms, to change society’s stereotypes, reduce stigmatization of children, decrease bullying, and increase acceptance of each other.

This lesson is to be presented at the very beginning of the school year to set standards of expectations for behavior, and can be reviewed as needed throughout the school year. It should be appropriate for grades K-5; please modify as needed. Role plays are included at the end of the lesson for comprehension reinforcement. Give the child the scenario and have them attempt the correct response first; give suggestions as needed. Lastly, please hang the attached rules in your classroom as a reminder of the acceptance that is expected.

For a very long time, people have been separating things into what girls like and what boys like. A lot of people think these things are very different, and call them “boy things” and “girl things”. Have YOU noticed that?

What are some things some people might say are “girl things” or “boy things”?  What might some people say are “girl toys” and “boy toys”?

The truth is, all children get to pick what they like, and everyone likes different things.  Repeat after me: There is no such thing as a “boy thing” or a “girl thing”. Some kids are boys who like things that other people think are for girls. Some kids are girls who like things that other people think are for boys. It can hurt their feelings if you or someone else says something to them about it, or acts like there are rules about how someone should be. That would be like saying only girls can eat ice cream, and only boys can eat jelly beans!! That would just be SILLY! Sweets and treats are to be enjoyed by everyone, just like most things in life. 🙂

Are there certain colors that some people think only girls like and colors that only boys like? Most people think girls like pink and purple, which is ok, but it’s silly to think that ONLY girls like pink and purple! There are plenty of boys out there who like pink and purple, too. Lots of people think only boys can like blue! Girls can like blue, too. All the colors of the rainbow are for everyone, and it’s fun that we all get to pick our favorite. You don’t want anyone telling YOU what your favorite color should be, do you??

Some people also have very strong ideas about how boys and girls should look and dress. Is it ok for some girls to have short hair, and some boys to have long hair? Of course it is!  How someone chooses to dress is up to them, too. Some girls wear skirts and dresses, and some girls wear shorts and pants. Some boys wear shorts and pants, and some boys wear skirts and dresses.  This may surprise some people, but it certainly isn’t wrong.

How someone dresses and wears their hair is a part of their “style”. Everyone’s style is different! What if everyone were to dress and look exactly alike? BOR-ING!  The next time you see someone who wears their hair a little different than you expected or is wearing something that surprises you, be kind and say, “I like your style”.

How wonderful would it be to have a classroom (or a WORLD) where kids just get to like what they like? Are you ready to help create a world like that?

One of the most important things to remember is to be KIND to one another. Ask yourself how you would feel if you were the other person. Be sure to avoid saying anything that would hurt someone else’s feelings. If you can see another kid likes something, don’t tell them why they shouldn’t. Remind yourself, “different people like different things”, “it’s OK to be different”, and “I am accepting of others”.

If you hear someone telling another kid there are rules about how to play, how to be, or how to dress, stand up for them! Remember, you are helping create a world that is more accepting. Nicely tell the other person what you have learned from this lesson. You can say something like this:

“That’s their style, and I like it.”

“Anyone can play with anything.”

“Everyone is different. Different people like different things.”

“Please don’t tease my friend. I like him/her just the way he/she is.”

Remember:

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A “BOY THING” OR A “GIRL THING”!

All toys are for all children.

Colors are for everyone.

People are different, and everyone likes different things.

Everyone gets to pick how they wear their hair.

Everyone gets to pick the way they dress.

Everyone gets to pick their own style.

Role Plays:

Act out the RIGHT way to handle the following situations:

You are playing house, and a girl wants to be the dad.

You hear someone teasing a boy about wearing a skirt.

A group of boys playing soccer tells a girl, “You can’t play! No girls allowed!”

You’re having a tea party and a boy wants to join in.

You see a girl getting teased for having short hair.

You see a boy wearing a pink backpack.

In Our Classroom…

We are kind to each other.

All toys are for all children.

Colors are for everyone.

Everyone gets to pick their own style.

Being different is OK.

We stand up for others.

GENDER LESSON PDF

Choosing/Evaluating a Gender Therapist for Your Child

The Hunt

Finding a good gender therapist for your child can be a daunting task. If you are in the process of looking for a gender therapist, this means there is already a lot going on in your family! Gender dysphoria or gender nonconformity can at times cause distress for parents and the child who is experiencing it.

There doesn’t seem to be many of us out there (gender therapists who work with gender nonconforming youth), and I wish there were more. So once you’ve found one in your area (or relatively close to you), how do you know if the therapist is a “good” one? As with every profession and specialty, there are the good, the bad, and the ugly.

If someone claims to be a gender “expert”, don’t just assume your hunt is over. Ask questions (see below for a sample list) and go with your gut instincts.  Ultimately, YOU are the expert on your child.

After you have met with the therapist for 1-3 times, re-evaluate how the sessions are going for both you and your child. Is your child comfortable? Are you? If not, address your concerns with the therapist.  The therapist should be open to your feedback and be able to explain their reasoning behind the treatment methods. If things don’t change, begin your search again!

Let the Client (Child) Lead

As with any therapy, or reason for seeking therapy, the gender therapist should not enter into therapeutic work with you and your family with an agenda. If you get the sense on the phone that they have their mind on accomplishing something (such as getting your child to transition or not transition), consider that a red flag. Every child and family is different, with a different story and different needs. Some of the interventions and suggestions will be similar to those used with other families, but most will be tailor-made to your family.

Your child will be the best source of information re: their gender identity. Children of a very young age are aware of what gender they are, and/or what gender expression they are comfortable with. You, the parent(s), will be excellent historians for how your child has expressed their gender from an early age, current significant behaviors, etc. Of course, part of the gender therapist’s job will be working with the parents in regards to their feelings about their child’s gender nonconformity, and feelings about potential options for their child.

Red Herrings

Many parents see their child’s gender nonconformity AND a lot of other emotions and behaviors. Some of these emotions and behaviors will be related to their child’s gender identity; others may not. Those that seem unrelated to the gender identity but may actually be symptoms of the distress the gender nonconformity is causing are what I call “red herrings”. The gender therapist can help you sift through some of these factors to find out what needs to be addressed first. It is common for some emotions and behaviors to be resolved once the gender identity is validated. One good way to narrow down what is really going on for your child is to focus on what seems to be causing the most distress. For example, if your child is having social skills problems, academic problems, gender nonconformity/expressions of gender identity that does not match their body, anger outbursts, and anxiety, what seems to bring them the most mental distress? What do they talk about the most? What do they shed the most tears over? This is what needs to be addressed first.

Often times things such as the anger outbursts/academic problems are what bring the parents the most distress, and therefore this is what the parents want addressed first. This may be like putting a Band-Aid on something without treating the cause. In some cases, it will be the therapist’s job to gently prevent you, the parents/guardians, from following the red herrings. If your gender therapist seems determined to only focus on these other things, and not address the gender issues, this should also be a red flag for you. While you may feel some relief that the gender therapist is recommending holding off on making any major decisions or is wanting to address everything else other than the gender identity, pay attention to what your gut is telling you. You know your child. If the therapist’s recommendations seem to bring your child more distress, something has gone awry!

Hormone Suppression/Therapy

Your gender therapist may help you (and your child) explore whether or not your child is gender nonconforming or transgender. If the consensus is your child is the latter, your gender therapist can help you navigate the next steps in your child’s journey. Your gender therapist can be your ally in deciding if hormone blockers/therapy is the right decision for your child, and if so, when to start. Sometimes, making this move can help ease some of the other symptoms that may have arisen for your child. Many times the child may express being ready for hormone blockers or hormones before the parents feel ready. The gender therapist can help parents walk through many of the anxious and difficult feelings that may arise during this significant decision-making time.

Structure of Sessions

There is no exact science to how a gender therapist might structure their sessions with you, but in general there should be a good balance of meeting with you and meeting with your child. The therapist should meet alone with you as part of the assessment process and at other times as needed throughout treatment. This is because you need to have free reign to say what you want to say about your child’s gender expression and your feelings about it. Your child should not hear all of your thoughts, opinions, and feelings about their gender expression or possible transgender identity. Children tend to try to take care of their parents and avoid causing their parents distress; therefore hearing statements made my parents (particularly those expressing resistance) can impact their ability to say what they want and need in regards to gender expression, transitioning, etc. This can have serious ramifications on their mental health and futures.

Similarly, your child should have the opportunity to speak alone with the gender therapist and speak their mind without censoring things out of regard for their parents. The gender therapist will not tell you exactly what your child has said while in private, but should help your child communicate better with you when you are all together. For this reason, joint sessions are also called for when it comes to working with youth. It is important for family members to learn how to talk to one another about the gender identity issues, and to become more comfortable with the topic. Additionally, parents tend to be better historians and reporters of behaviors, which can be extremely beneficial to the treatment course.

Sample Questions to Ask a Potential Gender Therapist

  1. What is your opinion about how young a child can understand their gender identity?
  2. What is your general opinion on letting a child express their own gender identity?
  3. What are your thoughts on hormone blockers/therapy for youth?
  4. How long have you worked with children?
  5. Are you experienced in building rapport with children?
  6. Have you been trained in how to talk to and interview children in a non-leading manner?
  7. How involved are the parent(s) in the therapy with the child?

If you are struggling to find a gender therapist that is right for your family, reach out for help. TransYouth Family Allies is a great resource. If you join TYFA Talk, you can chat with other families and get information about what resources are out there. Wishing you all the best on YOUR journeys!

*Special thanks to Kim Pearson of TYFA who requested this piece to present at this year’s Gender Odyssey Family Conference.

**While this post was written specifically for parents finding a gender therapist for their child, many elements can be applied to the gender nonconforming or transgender adult. Go with your gut! Find a therapist who will support you in your journey and help you access resources. If it doesn’t feel right to you, keep looking.

Published in: on August 3, 2012 at 2:52 pm  Comments (3)  

Reactions of Others Part 1: Shock and Awe

I once did a presentation at the IFGE (International Foundation for Gender Education) conference in Washington, D.C. called “Ignorance, Questions, and Fears, Oh My!:  Surviving the Reactions of Others”. I will be using some of the concepts from that presentation for the next 4 weeks of my blogs; various aspects of the “reactions of others”. My hope is that it may be helpful not only to those who are coming out to family and friends as transgender, but also to those who are on the receiving end of such big news or may be passing along the news by proxy.

Please understand that my above use of the word “ignorance” is by no means meant to be offensive. I do not equate it to being unintelligent or unwilling to learn. My use of the word in the title simply refers to someone who doesn’t know much (or anything!) about the concept of gender dysphoria/being transgender.

I chose to present on this topic because it is by far the most commonly brought up issue in therapy for my clients who are transitioning. In fact, I think it can be the most difficult part of transitioning.  I am writing this blog to help those preparing to disclose, as well as help those who have been hurt by the reactions of others in the past. I hope this will help those individuals reflect upon where their loved one may have been coming from so that healing can happen. Additionally, my intention is for this series of blogs to normalize the feelings that friends and family members may have as they absorb the concept of how their loved one feels and what they are about to do. This topic may also be useful to the loved ones when they themselves have to disclose to others about the transgender friend or family member to others. Of course, it is my wish that the more knowledge I can spread, the less hurtful the coming-out process will be for all parties involved.

Shock and Awe: Take Cover

Many loved ones of a transgender individual are shocked when they hear the news of their loved one’s true gender identity and/or plans to transition, even if they may have witnessed gender nonconforming behavior for years.  Shock itself is an intense emotion, and therefore can cause impulsive, insensitive reactions. Shock can get rid of the “filter” that people have most of the time. This impulsivity may cause others to say the first few things that come to their minds. As you know, saying the first thing that comes to your mind when high emotion is involved is usually not a good idea. When a transgender individual is disclosing, they are in a vulnerable place. I can almost guarantee you that they are hoping for a good response, and can be shaken to the core by a negative one. Things that are said in those first few moments of disclosure may be something the transgender individual remembers for many years to come.

This is why disclosing through emails or letters can often be easier. As much as I appreciate the value of face-to-face communication (I am a therapist, after all!), this may just be one of those situations where a letter is appropriate.

A letter gives the discloser the opportunity to really think about what to say and how to say it. (A letter can also be revised many times, unlike saying it all out loud!) Those on the receiving end get to read and absorb it before a conversation takes place. Having some time and space to process it is a great way to avoid saying the first thing that comes to mind.  It allows the other’s initial reaction to be there without the discloser necessarily knowing everything about it. (Again, as much as I am for open communication, there are some things that are simply better left unsaid.)

Those of you who are preparing to disclose, about yourself or on behalf of a transgender person you love, it’s important to prepare yourself for possible hurtful statements on behalf of others…particularly if you expect them to be “shocked”. Preparing is not about anticipating negative responses to the extent of being fearful, or even holding back from sharing. Anticipating what may be in store will help you take better care of yourself in the moment. Remind yourself it is part of the process, and things WILL get better over time. It’s important to have answers and boundaries ready to go so that you are not caught off guard. (I’ll be talking more about responding and boundaries in the next few blogs). Additionally, it may be helpful to try to understand the feelings the other person might have and therefore what may be behind the statements. This may make the statements easier to tolerate and make you less likely to “take them on” as your own. Remember, you are identifying the feelings as someone else’s, not yoursCheck out my previous blog entry “It’s Hard for Moms”.

If you are a transgender individual preparing to come out, good luck… you can do it! I’ve seen the process many times and have witnessed/been privy to a wide spectrum of responses. Loved ones who have a hard time with it at first eventually DO come around.

If you are the loved one of a transgender individual, you are likely past the “coming out” period since you are reading this blog. However, if you feel you may have said some things initially that could have hurt your loved one, apologize. It’s never too late for healing to happen!

 

It’s Hard For Moms

I have a lot of respect for Chaz Bono. Being the child of a superstar like Cher, coming out as trans and transitioning under the spotlight no doubt makes a frightening and difficult process all the more so. He has been very visible and vocal in order to educate the public and pave the way for other transgender individuals. As he said on the Oprah special, “I’m doing this because I want to try to help people…I want to try to put a face on an issue that people don’t understand. That’s why I did this publicly.” And now to push himself further out of his comfort zone and appear on Dancing With the Stars… wow. My hat’s off to you, Chaz.

He said something in response to a question from a fan about his mother Cher’s response to his transition that really stuck with me, and I think it summarizes an aspect of one’s gender transition beautifully.

The fan said, “I would think your mom would accept it real well!”

Chaz’s response? “It’s hard for moms.”

Yes, even Cher. Even the leather-wearing, booty-revealing, sex symbol/gay icon mom!

This process is indeed hard for moms; likely for all parents and guardians. This element is something that is a large part of the work I do with my transgender clients. Inevitably my job in therapy is part helping the individual transition and process emotions that accompany that; part is helping them cope with responses from others and understand what the process might be like for their loved ones.

When becoming a parent, the prospect of one’s child becoming a different gender than originally thought is not usually within one’s realm of possibility. Parents often begin planning, fantasizing, and formulating expectations for their child’s life as soon as they’re born; often as soon as they are conceived. Gender plays a big part in these expectations which then have to shift a great deal when the gender nonconformity or different gender identity is revealed.  This comes as a shock to most parents, and it can be difficult to wrap one’s brain around, particularly if the parents have not previously had experience with someone who is gender variant.

Of course, responses vary from one extreme to the other. Some parents get on board soon after hearing their child verbally reveal their true gender identity. Although rare, this can be related to seeing many signs of gender variance since early childhood, or sensing an unknown source of distress and seeing the relief the gender revelation brings. Other parents fight it and resist for many years, struggling to have any type of acceptance. This is the more common response, likely due to the parents having to shift ideas they had been formulating about their child’s life since the child was born. There is also a distinct element of fear; fear they will “lose” their child, or that their child will become unfamiliar to them. This usually is not the case (post-transition often being easier than expected and realizing their child is still the same person), but that “What If?” is sure powerful.

I have sat in many a session and witnessed two people in pain: the transgender individual, wanting desperately to be accepted and supported in the daunting process of transitioning, and the parent, wishing this were not true, wanting it to go away.

Some of the feelings a loved one might feel are likely similar to feelings the transgender person has already gone through prior to disclosing their gender identity or plans to transition. Many have walked through the fear, the wishing away, the major adjustment to how life is going to change.

If you are a gender variant person expressing your true gender or looking to transition, and your mom, parent, or loved one is struggling with it, take heart. Even though it’s hard for them, acceptance is possible. It may be closer than you think. While you are on your own journey, your loved ones are on theirs, and all of you deserve compassion, patience, and tolerance. When you find yourself getting discouraged, remind yourself, “It’s hard for ___________”, filling in the blank with your loved one who is struggling.

If you are a parent of a gender non-conforming child or adult, and you have struggled with negative feelings about your child’s gender expression or transition, be kind to yourself. No matter where you fall on the spectrum of acceptance, please don’t judge yourself for having feelings about this. It’s important you take care of yourself while taking care of your child. Having feelings of fear, dread, sadness, or loss doesn’t make you bad; it makes you human. Walking through these feelings to get to the other side is a part of the process. I can’t underscore the importance of getting to the other side, though… and eventually being able to support your child’s decision with the unconditional love they absolutely need, no matter how old they are. The significance of the parent/child relationship is both what makes this difficult on you, and why your acceptance is crucial to your child’s happiness. Ultimately, your acceptance will likely be one of the most important aspects on your child’s journey. So on this journey to acceptance and support (and anyone can get there!), validate your feelings, find a place to be heard, talk to other parents in your situation. Because yes… it’s hard for moms.

The Gender Identity of Children

I am thrilled to be seeing more and more transgender children as part of my practice. To me, it’s a very natural combination of two of my specialties: working with children, and working with transgender individuals! I have a special place in my heart for these gender nonconforming children, because I feel like in some way it’s a way of honoring my adult transgender clients. For many of them, if not all, having their gender identity heard and addressed as children would have made their life paths a lot easier.

I’ve had people ask me if children can really understand their gender identity at a young age. My answer is, “of course!”.  Most of us know what gender we are from a very young age. We don’t have to think much about it; our assigned gender matches our natal sex (sex at birth) and becomes part of our stats, like where we live, what color hair we have, etc. For gender nonconforming/transgender children, this is not so simple. They may feel a discomfort with their body or assigned gender, pronouns, etc. However, typically this comes from being denied being able to partake in an activity or interest that is typically not seen as acceptable for one’s assigned gender. For children who are not allowed to express themselves in their preferred gender, or the interests come naturally to them, I believe this creates a feeling of unrest (at best); deep shame and resentment at worst.

Children are concrete, and are more interested in what they want to DO and what kind of fun they want to have than abstractly thinking about what gender or societal category they fit into. Additionally, children don’t have the baggage and the tendency to over-think the way we adults do. They know what they know, and they feel what they feel. In some ways this makes expressing one’s gender identity much simpler, especially if the child is in an environment that encourages natural and genuine expression of self. If a child engages in play that society does not typically categorize as that of their assigned gender, let them. This behavior could mean any number of things, but the most important message is “you are ok any way you are”. Some parents worry about future teasing, and discourage them from engaging in behaviors to prevent teasing in other environments. This is a valid concern which I don’t mean to minimize. Certainly the parents can explain the likely response of others (informed consent, if you will) and then equip, equip, equip with coping skills to deal with these responses. (Helping your gender nonconforming child deal with teasing is such an important topic I promise to address it more in a future blog.) For now, I will say that beyond equipping your child to deal with teasing, establishing that pure and unconditional acceptance at home is the most crucial part of growing up.

Most gender nonconforming children understand “the rules”, and the expectations in their family/society/community/school.  They may know how they feel and who they are, but most also understand what others think and what others want. They learn to “play the game” as we all do, giving answers to make others feel better, even when it’s not the truth. Parents unknowingly ask leading questions all the time, and kids know what their parents want to hear.

Additionally, some children simply don’t have the verbal skills to express what they want or how badly they want it. Other children are not aware of their gender incongruence until puberty (at which times it often becomes a feeling of crisis). Many people are not aware until adulthood! This blog is specifically in regards to children who have their gender incongruence present in their consciousness from a very early age.

If your child who was born a natal female says “I’m a boy”, “I wish I were a boy”, or asks Santa for a penis, listen up. If your natal male says “I’m a girl”, “I wish I were a girl”, or prays to wake up the next morning a girl, listen up. These children know how they feel, and need your help. I’ll be writing more blogs about what to do if you are a family in this situation… stay tuned. 🙂

Gender Vs. Sex

Recently I had a conversation with my in-laws about a “Gender Revealing” party they saw on television. The expectant couple had the ultrasound technician find out the sex of the baby, write it on a card, and the couple didn’t peek at it. (Now that’s self-control!) They gave the card to a bakery, and a special cake was made based on what the card read.  At the “Gender Revealing” party, when they cut it open, a pink or a blue cake was discovered, thereby revealing the “gender” of the baby to be. My response? “I went to a party like that! Except they called it a ‘Sex Party’, which is what it was… they were revealing the sex of the baby, not the gender.  The true gender won’t be revealed until the baby is much older.” The blank stares I was met with weren’t surprising. So few people ever think of the distinction between gender and sex, but due to my work and experiences with loved ones, I understand how important this distinction is. Do I need to be educator at every turn, or explain the distinction any time someone mentions something like this? Probably not. But, the reason I do it is this: the more people in society who understand the distinction between sex and gender, the better off gender nonconforming people will be.

To be perfectly clear… sex refers to genitals and sex organs; either male or female genitals/sex organs make one biologically male or female.  One’s gender identity comes from the brain, and may or may not align with one’s sex.  I believe gender identity is something that is formed in the womb along with the genitalia; sometimes they just don’t match.

Gender is in reference to what a person feels like as a result of having a male or female brain.  If one identifies as having a male gender, he is most likely going to be comfortable with being called a male name, having male pronouns used for him, and will want to present as male. If one identifies as having a female brain or gender identity, she is going to want to be referred to by a female name, female pronouns, and will want to present as female.  Often I simplify this so-not-simple concept with this question: “When you check out at the grocery store, do you want someone to say ‘Thank you, Ma’am’, or ‘Thank you, Sir”?  I say this because it relates it to an everyday experience which we all can relate to. It just wouldn’t feel right to ANY of us if someone addressed us with the “wrong” title. In these everyday experiences, sex organs don’t matter, but brains certainly do. And yet transgender individuals have to deal with being referred to by the “wrong” gender (due to their sex) often for years before transitioning.

So when a baby is born and the parents hear, “It’s a boy!” or “It’s a girl!”, that is a statement of what sex the baby is. One’s true gender (may match the sex, or may not) is revealed much later when the individual becomes old enough or aware enough to express the gender identity of their brain.

Trans Youth Family Allies

On Monday 5/23/11, I had the pleasure of listening to Kim Pearson speak at the LGBT Center! I have heard so much about her, and I was thrilled to finally get to meet her in person. Kim is an amazing woman and mother of a trans individual. She is the Executive Director and co-founder of Trans Youth Family Allies (TYFA), an organization that connects and supports families of trans children. The “little t” in LGBt, as Kim would say! 🙂 Her organization plays a crucial role in advocating for and educating for this underserved population.

I approached her after the talk and told her we must connect, so the next day we met up for coffee.  It was wonderful to talk to someone who is so passionate about working with gender variant and transgender children, and completely validated my beliefs about the work I do with them. As she said at the end of our meeting, “It’s so nice to meet like-minded people!” Likewise, Kim! Thank you for all the work you do. See the link below for more information about Kim and TYFA.

http://www.imatyfa.org/aboutus/bio-kimpearson.html

Also, consider donating to keep this AMAZING, volunteer-based program alive. http://www.imatyfa.org/permanent_files/donate.html

Stay tuned for more blogs about valuable information and insights I gained from connecting with Kim.